What Is Marriage as Defined by the Word of God

Rev. Dan Herb

Marriage in the sight of God

To start off with, let us look at marriage from the viewpoint of scripture. The Genesis creation account is the place to start since it is where God established marriage between one man and one woman.

Genesis 2:21-25

²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he madeinto a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

As you can see, Adam and Eve were united from creation as “one flesh” through God’s creative work. The flesh taken from the man (“rib”) to fashion woman literally meant that Adam and Eve were of the same flesh – “one flesh.” He was a part of and within her.

Our Lord confirms this one flesh union of a man and a woman when He says:

Matthew 19:4-6

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵ and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

The Apostle Paul, through inspiration of the Holy Spirit, writes about sinning against another woman by adultery, the physical union through sexual intimacy as a one flesh union and therefore a transgression against the Sixth Commandment.

1 Corinthians 6:14-20

¹⁴ And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. ¹⁵ Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! ¹⁶ Or do you not know that he who is joinedto a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” ¹⁷ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. ¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. ¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, ²⁰ for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Here Paul is quite clear that the sexual intimacy of a man and a woman constitutes the “one flesh” union. Therefore, as a one flesh union, in the eyes of God that man and that woman are married by virtue of being one flesh. Man by his wisdom and proclamations does not undo this marriage union for our Lord has made clear, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). It is to be a lifelong union.

Marriage is an estate from God for this life because of the created desire of man and woman to propagate. That is how God designed man and woman and put into them the desire for sexual intimacy that is to leave open the possibility of conceiving and bearing children. As God spoke to Adama and Eve in the garden, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…” (Genesis 1:28).

Marriage is a holy, salutary, and pleasing estate before God and established by Him with His blessing.

1 Corinthians 7:36-38

³⁶ If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. ³⁷ But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. ³⁸ So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

Therefore, God has established limits and guards around the estate of marriage and the sexual act simply stated in the sixth commandment. Paul writes:

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Principles for Marriage

7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ² But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³ The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The proliferation of cohabitation, promiscuous or “casual” sex that has been normalized in our culture and therefore is a man and a woman creating the one flesh union with multiple “partners.” This is an abomination and violation of God’s good, created order, and estate of marriage. God intended for this union to be for life; and therefore is a violation of the sixth commandment to not commit adultery.

The only way that a marriage bond is ended in the sight of God is through death as Paul writes to the Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 7:39-40

³⁹ A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. ⁴⁰ Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

A man or a woman can be in a godly marriage even if their spouse is not a believer.

1 Corinthians 7:10-13

¹⁰ To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband ¹¹ (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

¹² To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. ¹³ If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 

Divorce does not end the marriage bond or “one flesh” union, despite the claim of man. The one flesh union is for life. And if there is another union of a man and woman, even after a divorce, it is still a violation of the marriage bond in the sight of God as Jesus teaches:

Matthew 19:3-9

³ And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” ⁴ He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵ and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” ⁷ They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” ⁸ He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. ⁹ And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

A husband and wife separating is not a part of God’s design for marriage, but in this fallen world, it has become a part of life against God’s command and desire. This is not an unforgiveable sin, however. Where there is faith, contrition, and repentance, there is forgiveness of sins through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross of Calvary.

Godly Marriage

The sexual interaction, while it does establish the one flesh union, does not completely define the Christian marriage. The marriage of a man and a woman under the influence of the Holy Spirit includes the sacrificial interaction between the man and the woman, their closest neighbor whom they are to love as themselves (Mark 12:31). Scripture describes marriage as clinging or “holding fast” to one another.

Genesis 2:24

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 19:4-6

⁴ He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, ⁵ and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

For the Christian couple, this clinging to one another comes with differing responsibilities for both the husband and the wife. The woman gives herself to her husband to cherish and love and the man gives himself to his wife to love and cherish. God has established an order in marriage for contentment and stability. How, in this one flesh union, are a man and a woman to interact with each other is put forward in Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives and Husbands

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The Apostle Peter in his first letter echoes these words from God through Paul:

1 Peter 3:1-7

Wives and Husbands

3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³ Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. ⁵ For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

⁷ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

In a Christian marriage, there is a mutual submission from one spouse to the other. The wife to her head the husband as to Christ and by the husband to give up his life of self-centeredness to and for his wife and children as Christ gave His life for mankind. The man is focused on leading his wife and family in a way pleasing to the Lord and for the good of the family. This means that the husband supplies for the care, protection and needs of his wife and children in a sacrificial way as Jesus did the will of His Father in heaven for us, God’s children. This way of headship then encourages the wife in her submission because of the godly leadership and care by her husband.

To keep a godly marriage, God has established an order within the marriage to help combat the natural inclination for both husband and wife to rule over the other. This battle over control is a direct result of the fall in Eden. The mutual submission is no longer a part of the nature of man.

Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be foryour husband,and he shall rule over you.”

When a man and a woman do not practice this godly way of marriage, that is when things get difficult and strife comes into a marriage. As Satan tempted our first parents, so he continues to temp godly marriages yet today. While Christians cannot perfectly live this God pleasing life, through the power of the Holy Spirit, this godly desire for a man and a woman can be practiced as a witness to the world and the glory of God. Thankfully, there is forgiveness available through Christ from being moved to repentance. This enables a man and a woman to please God and live according to His institution for marriage through mutual repentance and forgiveness between husband and wife. This results in a marriage of delight in each other and peace.

Marriage in the Eye of the State

Marriage as defined by the State is based on the fallen and corrupt wisdom and knowledge of man. However, for good order in society, God has through the governing authorities established regulations to provide for the identification of marriage. The “legal” acknowledgement of marriage by the State is a way to bring civility, order, protection, and integrity to marriage among fallen mankind. Therefore, a married couple is registered with the State for recognition and protection of the married estate and union of the man and the woman.

You can see this similar type of arrangement in ancient Israel of a “legal” recognition of Joseph and Mary with the designation of betrothed. The community “legally” recognized them as a couple; “in the eyes of the State.” Betrothal would be similar to a couple registering with the County Clerck and the State recognizing the man and woman as a married couple. As scripture recounts:

Matthew 1:18-25

The Birth of Jesus Christ

¹⁸ Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothedto Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹ And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. ²⁰ But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. ²¹ She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” ²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet:

²³ “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
    and they shall call his name Immanuel”

(which means, God with us). ²⁴ When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, ²⁵ but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus.

Luke 2:1-7

The Birth of Jesus Christ

2 In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. ² This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria. ³ And all went to be registered, each to his own town. ⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, ⁵ to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. ⁶ And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. ⁷ And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

So, Joseph and Mary, while married or a “family unit” in the sight of the community of Israel, were not married in the sight of God because Joseph “knew her not until she had given birth to a son.” This was a “legal commitment” as can be seen that, when Joseph misunderstood Mary’s pregnancy as her adultery against him, he had in settled in his mind “being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.” The word divorce indicates that a legal separation would take place in the eyes of the State, Israel. It is important to mention here that Joseph “knew her not until she had given birth to a son” to preserve her virginity and not defile the Son of God that she carried within her womb.

Joseph and Mary did go on to have a one flesh marriage before the Lord, for they consummated their marriage after the birth of Jesus. Scripture records for us that Jesus had other brothers that came to him during His ministry and also were present in the upper room when the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost.

Mark 3:31-32

Jesus’ Mother and Brothers

³¹ And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. ³² And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” (cf. Matthew 12:46, Luke 8:19-20)

Acts 1:14

¹⁴ All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and his brothers.

The Unmarried

With God creating woman for man in the beginning and His command to Adam and Eve to be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth, is it a requirement that a man or woman must marry to please the Lord? The answer is no. a person can lead a godly life and no be married as long as a man or woman can live a chaste and sexually pure life as Paul describes:

1 Corinthians 7:6-8, 17

⁶ Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. ⁷ I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. ⁸ To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. ⁹ But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion….

¹⁷ Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 

Marriage is a holy and God pleasing estate, but as the above shows, it is a weighty estate in life.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

³² I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. ³³ But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, ³⁴ and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. ³⁵ I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.