He Remembers the Barren, Second Edition; Katie Schuermann, Emmanuel Press, Fort Wayne, 2017.
Author Katie Schuermann writes on a very difficult subject matter that is not spoken of much. It is very personal and emotionally challenging for many even though it’s unknown by the multitudes. She brings forth the silent suffering of couples – and especially women – who are unable to conceive or carry a child to term. Mrs. Schuermann writes of that which is personal to her and many more women like her; a subject that many cannot comprehend or imagine.
The book is laid out so that it could be used for a Bible or small group topical study. Each chapter of the book closes with an appropriate psalm, a prayer written by Deaconess Melissa DeGroot, and hymn stanza related to the theme of the chapter. This is a great theological approach that shows the contemporary relevance of Holy Scripture to current events. It also illuminates God’s revelation to us, His children, so we can know His will in the various situations and stations of our lives, along with the trials and temptations that assail a person.
At the end of the book, in Appendix A, there are questions written by Rebecca Mays to discuss and bring each chapter into focus for study and explore the content more deeply. After the discussion questions section, there is an Appendix B, written by the author, for those walking the way of childlessness that give suggestions for how to approach and answer questions that others may ask of you. There are also short definitions and descriptions on subjects related to barrenness that one may come across for the first time. Some of these questions and subjects are theological to help those suffering to understand the biblical teaching of God on life and children. Others are practical advice.
Katie covers all aspects of being unable to conceive and carry a child to term. The impact on the woman, the husband, and extended family. She starts out by discussing how those who are barren can be spotted, but only by those who themselves are barren. As a woman of faith – who desires to fulfill the command of the Lord to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28) – childlessness can be a heavy cross to carry. Not only is there questioning from within, but also from those around you; an attack on all sides.
Throughout the pages of this book, she has wrestled with the same questions all women unable to have children ask; the same questions as all women of faith: “Why can’t I get pregnant? What am I doing wrong? Am I unworthy? Is God punishing me?”1 The answers she brings to these questions are not predicated on pop-psychology, therapeutic platitudes, or a theology of the human will and desire cooperating with God to accomplish personal desires. She goes to the word of God and trusts in those divine words; making Scripture the foundation of understanding, wisdom, comfort, and peace.
The chapters are written and arranged in such a way as a woman unable to bear children progresses through the different stages of this journey. The initial repeated working to get pregnant month after month that may turn into years before the realization that there may be specific reasons why.
The trying of various techniques to increase the possibility for children; dieting and healthy eating, of tracking ovulation, temperatures, and the rhythm of the woman’s cycle to optimize the precise time for conception. Then comes the lengthy and at times intrusive investigation by physicians and specialists for a medical diagnosis for possible barriers of the wife or husband keeping them from having a child.
Through this journey at the conclusion of each phase of trial and investigation, the result remains the same. No child. Many times, there are not clear explanations to answer the same question that keeps on repeating itself, “Why?” Mrs. Schuermann looks to the women of scripture – Sarai, Hannah, Elizabeth – as a cloud of witnesses for hope and strength and pointing to God in it all. Ultimately, each Christian has crosses to bear in life; and for those who carry the cross of barrenness, it can be very heavy in deed. But our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, knows the burden of sin and suffering and His Spirit through the Word strengthens, comforts, sustains, and encourages.
The chapter on the option of adoption was very enlightening in that as a childless couple, not all can adopt. While this may be counter intuitive, the realities were quite surprising. “Too convicted. Too poor. Too sick. Too prejudiced. Too far away. Too Christian. Too pregnant…. Too unkown. Too late with paperwork.”2 Adoption is not easy and it can come with great financial burdens. There are a number of regulations and they can vary from state to state.
Adoption is also a choice; and it may be a choice that is not for all couples. “There is no should when it comes to adopting children, only could…. Adoption is a gracious post-script, a beautiful reflection of God’s mercy toward us – and a marvelous way to serve our neighbor…. God does not require them by law to adopt children into their family.”3
While the world will spare no expense and effort to achieve what it desires, when it comes to the Christian, there are limits when it comes to being childless. Katie explores the reproductive industry and techniques involved in IVF and surrogacy and the godly viewpoint of such options. Here also, there is no assurance either. The bigger questions that IVF bring to the table of intrusion to the one flesh union and leftover fertilized eggs are appropriately reviewed and answered in accordance with God’s Word.
While the largest impact and focus is on the woman, one aspect that many do not consider is the man. It is assumed that it’s all about the woman and her desires and needs, but the godly husband suffers also himself and is many times forgotten in the focus on the woman. The two together bear the burden; both husband and wife suffer, even if in different ways.
“Together you can shoulder each other’s burdens because Christ first bore all your burdens on the cross. You can pray for each other and with each other…. You can kneel at the alter together and receive Christ’s body and blood for the salvation of your souls and the refreshment of your spirits…. Your one-flesh union is good and right even in the absence of children”4
The barren couple have other opportunities and vocations open to them to share God and their love with others. “There are many was to serve – even mother – those in need…. We can give food, clothes, and shelter to those who have none; we can teach, counsel, babysit, coach, and nurture the children God puts in our lives…, we can be active supporters in the lives of the families in our congregation and community…”5
The book finishes out with the chapters offering grace and peace with a woman and her husband’s vocation in life as childless in the chapters entitled; “Is It Okay for Me Not to Be a Mother?”, “What Is This Cross I Carry?” and “He Remembers the Barren.”
There may always be hurt over being childless, but God remembers the barren, the widow, and the orphan. And as the Lord spoke to Paul, “My grace is sufficient.” Barrenness does not separate from God, only sin does that. A husband and wife who are not able to have children are no less beloved children of God through faith in Christ.
The book’s last chapter closes out with a beautiful hymn verse of hope and peace: “What God ordains in always good: He is my friend and Father; He suffers naught to do me harm Though many storms may gather. Now I may know Both joy and woe; Someday I shall see clearly That He has loved me dearly”6
As pastor in a world that views children as commodities and fruitlessness of the womb as even desirable, we speak with great zeal of the command of God to multiply and fill the earth and the blessings of God that each child is. In our zeal for life, we must not forget these couples and the pain that they have for a desire for children left unfilled by God. This book is a good reminder that not all childless couples desire that situation.
I myself do not know the pain and suffering of childlessness, but as a pastor I found this book very helpful in trying to get some sense of understanding of a husband and wife’s suffering not being able to have children. This book gives wonderful and honest insight – along with a biblical foundation – to the silent anguish of some and how to help them through the Word of God to ease the pain and agony. I highly recommend this book and suggest that a pastor have several copies in your pastoral library to dispense to those in need.
Rev. Daniel Herb
Messiah Lutheran Church
1 Schuermann, Katie, He Remembers the Barren, 2.
2 ibid, 63.
3 ibid, 62.
4 ibid, 82.
5 ibid, 61-62.
6 ibid, 117.
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